The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.
So you realize you have a problem--that your listening abilities are not perfect!. ("Sorry, I didn't catch what you said.")
But... you may ponder how do I improve? In short, the same way you get better at anything. First, recognise the problem. And then use the tools to train yourself to become a better listener:
1. Get Started
If you're like most people, your space is a breeding ground for distractions.
Email, ringing phones, smartphones or kids shouting are exploding all around that prevents your ability to listen.
The next time you need to have an important conversation with leave your busy office or home and meet in a location that's free from distractions. Find a place that enables you to focus all of your energy and attention on the speaker. Maybe walk and talk, a quiet cafe, beach or quieter area.
2: Explore the "SOLER" system to make immediate improvements:
- Sit squarely. Move your body so you face the speaker head-on. Don't sit sideways or with your back to the speaker.
- Open posture. Whether you're sitting or standing, keep your hands open and your arms at your sides. Avoid clenching your body or crossing your arms and legs when listening. This form of body language signals that you're defensive, frustrated or impatient.
- Lean toward the person speaking. This posture demonstrates you are interested in what the speaker is saying. Don't slouch in your chair or stand slumped over. Be attentive!
- (Make) Eye contact. Maintain comfortable eye contact. A good rule of thumb is to maintain eye contact for about five to 10 seconds, gaze away and look back again.
- Relax. The more relaxed you appear, the more comfortable the speaker will feel.
3. Wait your turn
If you're the type of person who has the tendency to interrupt the speaker before he or she finishes, you're not alone. One way to improve is by counting to three after the speaker finishes talking before you respond. The more you practice this exercise, the easier it'll be to wait your turn to speak.
4: Show understanding and appreciation
Nothing is more frustrating than trying to talk with someone when all they do is give you blank stares back. One of the keys of effective listening is acknowledging what the speaker says. Here are a few ways you can demonstrate understanding and appreciation for the speaker:
- When listening, use positive phrases such as, "That's an interesting thought," or, "Thanks for bringing up that point."
- Put yourself in the speaker's shoes and convey that you understand his or her feelings or ideas after he or she finishes speaking. Saying things like "that must make you feel like..." or sharing similar experiences you've had will make your colleague feel like you understand his or her situation. Even if you may not agree with them - your turn will come to respond.
- Paraphrase the speaker's statement by saying, "so what your saying is...?"
5: Ask questions
One of the best ways to improve your listening skills is by asking more questions. Your question can be as simple as "How are things going?" or "How's your job been lately?" In addition, ask your colleagues to speak up when they have issues or concerns and tell them that you'll always be available to listen to them and provide support
